Tales from Goshen: October 2012

12th Anniversary

2:23 PM

Twelve years.

How quickly it goes by and how strangely slow at the same time.

Twelve years ago, Kyle and I stood at an altar before our friends and family and pledged our lives to each other. And not a moment has passed - not a second - in which I questioned that decision. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Kyle is the man God made for me. And I for him.

I can't begin to tell you how much fun I've had with Kyle over the past 12 years. Truthfully, every year since I've known him. And I met him at UofA's freshman orientation, summer of 1995. I was 17, about to turn 18 in a month and a half. And I was not expecting to meet my future husband during a weekend orientation event. But I did.

I remember when my little sister Rachel turned 17 and I thought, "Wow, that's the age I met Kyle. It seems so YOUNG! How could I possibly have felt as absolutely SURE as I did?" And yet I did. It's just one of those things you know deep down in your bones and there's no getting over it. He was for me and I for him.

Kyle captivated me from the first moment - with his good looks, his beautiful smile, his gorgeous brown eyes, his wit, his humor, his artistic gifts and creativity, his understanding and compassion, his strength and leadership, his love for the Lord, his steadiness, his intelligence...I could fill pages with his amazing attributes. And twelve years later, he continues to captivate me. For all those reasons and then some.

He has been patient and steady to my fire and drive. He is thoughtful and considered when I would flare up and act. He is wise. He is unselfish and generous. God has done amazing things in our lives together...we've both grown so much spiritually, for starters. We've both learned even more fully how to surrender the course of our lives to the Lord and been so fantastically blessed as we've done so.

We have been blessed with three amazing, beautiful children who delight us continually. We are blessed with lots and lots of laughter and joy, even though life is not always easy. We have been blessed with wonderful jobs and bosses and so many amazing friends that it is utterly humbling. We are fortunate to have found a church full of like-minded believers who have become our family and our friends as we strive together to walk closer to the Lord. We have been blessed with beloved family members and sisters-in-laws and nieces and nephews who've stolen our hearts and become the friends of our children.

We have learned to wait on the Lord together and seek His will together. We have learned that marriage is wonderful. Especially when you marry your best friend and fall more in love with them every single day.

I love you, Kyle. More than you can fathom.

I'm honored to be your wife of 12 years and your soul-mate.

Happy 12th Anniversary!

Reflections

Life 2:31 PM

You gotta love a double meaning.

Although I frequently lament about life in the South and wish I lived elsewhere (oh, say, CHICAGO), I do find beauty around me that I savor and enjoy. Particularly on my evening runs. I have yet to run the same path twice, but one thing I love about living where I do is that there are lakes everywhere. I can actually see this one from my house. And it is so lovely in the autumn when the trees begin to change colors and reflect back from the glassy waters. It is enough to make me stop running and take a picture.

Truly glorious.

In other "exciting" news, I attempted to trim Dorien's and August's hair. I'm going for a shaggy, Crewcuts model kind of look. I'm not quite there yet. But Dorien's bangs were beginning to be dangerously sheepdog-ish. Not so much stylish as a nuisance to the poor kid. We're talking visual impairment. Give the boy a headband kind of thing.

So last week, when Kyle was out of town, rather than watching my usual British mystery (more on that later), I watched several You-Tube videos, after which I determined I hadn't found any videos even remotely close to what I was hoping to find. There were lots on using clippers or giving traditional, short boy haircuts. What I'm really hoping to accomplish with my boys is something more messy, more longish, but most definitely not sheepdog... I'll keep working on it.

Post-nap, Dorien's hair is quite shaggy looking. Here he helps me pay bills online.

Almost quite helpful.

In other news, August suddenly had a breakthrough yesterday. He began reading!

I would like to say it's the result of hours of patient work on my part, but that would be an utter lie.

It's mostly because he's a sponge, he's super-smart and he listens to what goes on around him. He paid attention when B was learning to read last year, and he is read to or around continually.

And thanks to LeapFrog's Letter Factory DVD, he's known his letters and their sounds for months.

Yesterday, as part of his copywork, I was supposed to help him sound out a few words before he traced and then copied them.

Here's how it went:

Me: "Ok, August, look at this word. Can you make the sounds of the letters?"

August: "Mmmm...aaaaa....tttt....Mat."

Simple as that. He did it with three other words and then, was so thrilled, that he had me, Brooklyn and Kyle line up word after word on the fridge with our letter magnets so he could sound them out and read them. He also started reading the little reader books that came with our curriculum today. And he's just barely 4!

I know reading is not always easy, and I respect that. But for now, I'm very proud of August and his eagerness to learn. There are always battles and struggles, and for now, praise God this isn't one of them.

Rosetta Stone and Wounds

Faith 4:49 PM

Is there any obvious connection between those two, you might be asking yourself.

And that is a good question. And a very distinct possibility. One that just emerged into my consciousness as I wrote the words.

Rosetta Stone is a program to learn a foreign language. As of yesterday, I began the Rosetta Stone program to learn Spanish. Brooklyn, August and Dorien sat with me and we went through 3 lessons. We enjoyed it.

My brother Michael is fluent in Spanish and loaned me the program. He actually didn't become fluent using the program, but he was curious about whether it would work for us.

Interestingly, Michael is also the thread connecting both Rosetta Stone and wounds, in my world.

A few days ago, Michael and I were on the phone and in the way that the Holy Spirit has, things fell into place in such a way that my younger brother unknowingly, touched on some very sensitive spots in my heart and spoke straight to them. I know the Holy Spirit was speaking through him, and it was a very humbling, precious moment.

Michael is currently involved in the Thirty3 Bible study at our church, which is a variation of Men's Fraternity (written by Robert Lewis) that Kyle went through several years ago. As part of the process to help men become the MEN God designed for them to become, he has them analyze wounds in their lives. I don't know all the points of the study, but I do know he specifically discusses at least two types of wounds:

The Mother Wound

and

The Father Wound.

No matter how well-adjusted you are, or how great your family is, there are always wounds, he says. Maybe just a splinter, maybe a huge gash. It's best to identify and deal with all of them in order to be healthy and free from bitterness. Many people have big wounds that have been left untended for years, resulting in bitterness, depression, lack of responsibility, blame-shifting, you name it. They can become gangrene to a person's soul. It's a serious thing.

Robert Lewis was the first person to write a study addressing these wounds and their significance in a man's life and what to do with them. What I don't believe has ever been addressed is the impact Mother Wounds and Father Wounds have on the lives of women. As profoundly as I know they impact men, I believe their impact on women is equal.

And very possibly, unaddressed.

I've seen and participated in studies on strongholds, but I believe this is a very different thing.

A wound is not the same thing as a stronghold. It can be inflicted as the by-product of a generational stronghold, but I don't think it is dealt with the same way. Spiritually-speaking.

In spite of the fact that I know I was raised in an incredible family by two incredible parents, there is no doubt in my mind that I have wounds that affect who I am today. Affect my interactions with those in my life and affect my role as a wife and mother. Dealing with those wounds is something I'm not sure I've ever done.

And as Michael and I spoke the other day and tears welled up in my eyes, it occurred to me that it was perhaps time to begin that process. Not even sure where it was to lead. But knowing that it would be good for me, for Kyle, for my kids and my relationship with my family.

So that leads me to the language connection.

When interacting with an individual who doesn't speak your language, you compensate. Possibly with hand motions, facial expressions, the VOLUME with which you speak (oddly enough), or most practically, with translators.

Languages are tricky, complicated beasts. Full of nuances, exceptions, slang, facial cues and body language. Nothing simple about them. Even a language that is your own can be complicated to navigate. Put two people together who speak different languages and come from different cultures and you are on tenuous ground. Who knows what will be unwittingly said or implied? What offenses innocently committed? Wars have been fought over misunderstandings exacerbated due to language barriers and cultural barriers. Wars both globally and perhaps within the four walls of the house in which you were raised.

This is where I find myself in a state of contemplation.

To what extent are the wounds I bear the result of not speaking the same language with those around me? And I don't mean English.

We speak and act out of the core of who we are. And that core is shaped by experiences, our upbringing, certain social norms, the time period in which we grow up, our socio-economic class, our education, our faith, our expectations, our perception of the world, our insecurities, the strongholds we are affected by, and in turn, adopt, as well as wounds inflicted on us by others.

In short, we each bring a language to the table.

We too often assume the language spoken by our parents or our siblings is the same as the one we are speaking. And vice versa. And this is where wounds are inflicted and wars begun.

What if, instead of just identifying the wounds and coming to terms with them, you prevent re-wounding by learning the languages around you. That seems to make sense to me.

It seems clear to me that examining the wounds themselves will require honesty, introspection and sifting through some bad, unwanted memories. Then comes forgiveness and grace. As God is so liberal with his grace and forgiveness towards us. It needs to be said. It's too easy to cling to the injustice of the wounds without extending grace and forgiveness. And that accomplishes nothing.

The next step is identifying the reasons behind those wounds. Which brings me back to languages.

One thing that is crystal clear is that there is a Relationship Enemy. Satan. Coincidentally also God's primary enemy. If God creates relationships and desires for them to be parallels with the relationship we can have with Him, then it makes sense that his enemy will attack and attempt to undermine, destroy and poison every relationship he can. Wife to husband. Mother to child. Father to child. Sibling to sibling. In order to bring pain to God and to those God loves. You. Me.

And here's where it just gets frustrating. Because not only do we end up speaking different languages than our parents and siblings, Satan interferes by further distorting the message and twisting it into outright lies. Talk about a translator with a hidden agenda. Don't believe a word he says.

And yet we do. We misunderstand due to a "language barrier" and Satan turns it into a different message ENTIRELY once it registers in our brain.

The recognition of these things is critical, I think. What things?

1) the wounds themselves

2) the reasons behind them

3) Satan's further interference

It isn't something that can be tackled in a 15 minute window. And it doesn't leave you feeling warm and fuzzy. Rather, vulnerable and scarred and flawed. But, I believe, if we address these wounds and begin working on learning some new languages, perhaps....just perhaps...we will find our wounds healing, fewer new wounds being inflicted (both ways), and possibly restoration between battle-weary family members.

Lucky you, my sweet reader, to be present as my brain works to make connections between wounds and language and simultaneously begin attempting to uncipher the implications in such a connection.

It must be a Wednesday.

Here am I

Homeschooling 2:48 PM

I sit here on the hardwood floors of my bedroom with a fan blowing (pointed at my bed, not me). On the bed, Dorien is sound asleep buried under a quilt. Periodically, I hear a sniff from him. Down the hall, Brooklyn is spending her nap time playing (mostly) quietly in her room. She sings to herself, draws, rearranges her toys and sketch pads (of which there are many). Every now and then I have to go whisper to her to please be quieter. This is because August's room is right next to hers. And even though his fan is on and he is also buried under quilts and sound asleep, enough noise generating from the direction of Brooklyn's room will wake him up.

I realize it is now 4:08 and I wonder how. The kids and I woke up at our usual 9:30, threw piles of laundry around (clean stuff onto the extra bed in August's room and dirty stuff into the washer), ate eggs and toast, got dressed and did our schoolwork. I don't do this often, but we actually didn't get any school at all worked in yesterday, unless you count the everyday lessons of maneuvering mini grocery carts at Kroger, locating the shaving gel and scanning items at the self-checkout.

Today as we were doing school, most successfully, I might add with relief, I asked the kids what today is (for our calendar stuff) and Brooklyn chirped TUESDAY! How she knew this, I don't know. I totally thought it was Monday. My six year old is more on the ball than me.

We worked on number bonds today and managed to do so without breaking any mason jars. Last week, Dorien gleefully smashed two empty jars (emptied of their linking cubes) together and shattered them.

Dorien is mimicking the numbers the kids say, which can only be a good thing, right?

He has gotten so much easier to work with during the kids' schooling.

He likes to be involved, so we just find ways that he can be. Ways that don't involve glass breakage. Or crayon eat-age.

Brooklyn has lost her first tooth and it was a big moment for our household. There was little drama. It fell out one night as she was brushing her teeth. Fortunately, Kyle managed to snag the tiny thing before it fell into the drain. I almost cried. Brooklyn was beside herself with glee. And rightly so! Big moments!! The Tooth Fairy gave her a dollar. I'm not sure what teeth go for these days, but that seemed reasonable.

This is a post-shower, messy hair pre-bed picture. She is also smiling oddly to show off the missing tooth!

I received a package from PurlSoho yesterday and am hoping to begin work on some Christmas presents this week! I also got the latest Ken Follett book in from the libary - Winter of the World. It's huge and probably gonna get me, emotionally, as it covers the Holocaust and that always tears me up.

Dorien is bound and determined to feed himself. Hence the enormous bib.

Brooklyn made the hilarious comment the other day that she might never get out of car seat because she seems to be getting skinnier. Her exact words. Kyle and I howled with laughter. This is true. She is a rail. I love it. But she may not move out of her seat anytime soon. It was a funny observation.

I also recently finished one of Kyle's favorite books last week - Enders Game. It was fantastic! I now have the second one at hand - Speaker for the Dead. Speaking of those...there are two super cool videos I'll share with you that Kyle did from a design perspective. My husband is way talented.

Design Project - part ONE.

Design Project - part TWO.

I am also doing some serious introspection along the lines of wounds. More on that later.

In the meantime, it has been very cool outside which means my a/c has been given a much-needed rest. We're wearing long sleeves and jeans (yes!!!) and I made cocoa the other day. It is my absolute favorite time of the year. And I am going to try hard not to be jealous as my husband spends the next few days in Chicago where it is even cooler and more fall-ish.

That's where I am.

Tuesday Thoughts

2:52 PM

I know there are very few of us not thinking it, but I'm gonna say it anyway - Where did this year go?

How can it already be October? My favorite time of year has officially begun, and I am so happy!

This past week, my windows have been open; the cool rain has made my heart light as a feather; I've worn comfy socks and long sleeve shirts and jeans; Oh, and last night, to the delight (ha!) of my husband, I slept in my trusty long-sleeve Southpoint Bank t-shirt. Sexy it is NOT, but comfy it is. I also pulled out quilts to top our beds at night; and I'm making beans and cornbread for dinner tonight.

I love soup and soupy things and as my sweet Kyle knows, once it even hints at cooling down, I start digging through soup recipes. He resigns himself to liquidy grub for the majority of the next few months.

I also started running again. I gave up running during the heat this summer and am now working myself back into it.

I am watching my Singer grow into a real dog now...not just a puppy. And she is every bit as wonderful as I'd hoped she'd be all those weeks when I watched her breeder post pictures of the teeny weeny pups in her litter. She's starting to chew on things less (yeah!). Although you wouldn't know it by the way she fell asleep in the kitchen earlier. Mid-chew, it would seem.

I obviously need to groom her - those paws and ears are looking shaggy.

The other thing that blows me away is how much she looks JUST LIKE BAILEY, our previous Golden.

There are times when I've caught myself calling her Bug-Bug and then realized, this is Singer!

Brooklyn told me yesterday, "Mom, I really love having a Golden Retriever in the house again."

I could not agree more.

As trying as it can be when Kyle fishes her out of our compost pile or lets her out to potty at 5am or we wrangle another piece of toy out of her sharp little teeth...there is something deeply comforting about having a dog brush my legs as I work in the kitchen. About seeing that Golden smile and those intelligent eyes twinkling at me. About the surrender as she flops on her back and gives me her smooth, soft belly to rub. I can see her sink into a state of puppy bliss as we both enjoy a quiet moment of cuddling and paw-rubbing.

And we heard her bark for the first time this week. At a squirrel, I think.

Here are some jalapenos I picked from Michael's backyard yesterday. Tons of them.

You like jalapenos?

And the bell peppers are exploding off the plants. I'm gonna freeze lots of them. I love bell peppers. What I don't love are bugs. I don't know if you remember the war I waged against carpet beetles a few years ago? Well, it was an expensive, extremely frustrating battle involving lots of cleaning, dry-cleaning, plastic sweater bags, internet research and lectures to Terminix employees.

They are trying to make a come-back right now and there is nothing in this world that makes me lose my mind faster than these teensy weensy bugs that eat my clothes. I seriously go a little mad when I spot them. Drawers are spontaneously emptied, load after load of laundry frantically done, my eyes scan every article of clothing we own searching for signs of them. Two weekends ago, I went completely manic and deep-cleaned my entire upstairs in a period of 9 hours. This is something I'd intended to do slowly over a period of 9 months, taking one room at a time. Had I actually stuck to that plan, I wouldn't have had to do it all in one day...Washing walls, moving furniture, dusting, vacuuming floors, baseboards, blinds, closets, drawers, you name it, it was emptied and cleaned. Kyle wisely stayed far far away from me as I muttered under my breath and zoomed around the house in a fevered state. The mound of laundry on August's bed was taller than our children.

I know this is an "old house" issue as these little buggers hide behind baseboards and are present wherever there is dust and natural fibers. And well, no matter how much I clean, there will always be dust present in this place. At times, I really am one holey sweater away from planting a For Sale sign in my front yard.

And now that I've gotten the worst of the cleaning mania out of my system, I move on to other things. Like making sure my family has meals to eat. And cluttering up my kitchen countertop. And believe it or not, planning Christmas gifts and things I might make and what I need to make them and et cetera. Do you realize Christmas is 2 1/2 months away??? Oh, and Kyle and I celebrate our 12th anniversary this month!

I don't know if other people live with as much stuff in their heads as I do. As many projects, plans, ideas, thoughts, task lists...it can seriously be overwhelming. My mind stops only briefly when I sleep. And sometimes when I run. And sometimes that is why I run. To let the rhythm of my footsteps hitting the ground replace the never-ending chatter of "what needs to be done and hasn't been done and should be done and on and on."

And on that note, I will return to my to do list. And later this evening, you better believe I'll be fighting back the chaos in my head with a hard run. Happy Tuesday to you, my friends.

12th Anniversary

Reflections

Rosetta Stone and Wounds

Here am I

Tuesday Thoughts

The Author

The Family

Search This Blog

Blog Archive

Blogs of Interest

Tales from Goshen