Hello again, friends.

I hope your Tuesday is shaping up nicely. At the moment, I'm sitting here on my bed surrounded by half of my children. The younger half. The sleeping half.

I'm taking the opportunity to do my Bible study, write in my prayer journal, catch up on a few blogs and update a little bit in my own. 

I have lots of pictures to upload onto my computer from our recent Captiva vacation, but since they have yet to be uploaded, that post isn't happening today. Instead, I thought I would share with you a recent spiritual analogy that God opened my eyes to last week.

I've said it before, but it still holds true, so I'll repeat it: homeschooling my kids is as much a learning experience for me as it is for them. And being the consummate learner, I thoroughly enjoy this process.  

- Insert a funny side note here: Our home, built in 1935, has some neat elements like old French door/windows on the front and back of the house, one of which I recently noted has some water damage. Being "blessed" with an eye that immediately and without fail spots any and every flaw/problem/potential problem/thing to be fixed, I jumped on this and began my usual process of worrying about it/trying to address the issue. I also have water issues in my basement from a non-functioning French drain and it has led to high moisture levels in my basement and is affecting the wood in several spots. And it bugged me that I didn't know anything about wood or what to do about things.  So being the knowledge hungry girl I am, I checked out these two ginormous books on wood from the library. Even lugged them down to Florida with me, despite their hefty weight and decidedly non-beach-read subjects. My husband, Kyle, thought the whole thing was hilarious on several points - first, that I would check out such books and actually pour through them and secondly, that I would bring them on a beach vacation. Well. I like to know about things. That's all.

Back to my original train of thought, though. Learning things in home school. This year, for Brooklyn and August's science, we are learning about magnetism and electricity. And we are REALLY learning about it. They are doing all kinds of experiments and tinkering with things that I never did - even in college. It's extremely interesting, and yes, I have always loved science, but it's really interesting to them, too! 

Last week, we studied magnetism, and in particular, induced magnetism which is where a non-magnetic object becomes magnetized by another magnet.

The day we learned about this, a few hours later I was doing my Bible study and writing in my prayer journal - it's how I best express my thoughts, prayers and what's going on in my life, with the Lord. The focus of my study that day was exalting, magnifying, glorifying and praising God. Specifically, what each of those things means and how it translates to prayer. After studying the science things that morning, God's creativity and genius was fresh on my mind and I began praising Him for that. 

God uses different things to reveal Himself to people - different catalysts to draw them to Himself, to shake them up, wow them, reorient them. For me, science has always had that effect. God has always opened my eyes to see Him more clearly through scientific things and spiritual parallels, and this was one of those times. As I contemplated God's greatness and His amazing capacity to weave beauty and displays of who He is down into the teensiest particles of His creation, I suddenly saw with great clarity a spiritual parallel that blew me away. I'll share it with you. 

Magnets, as you know, attract metals.  Not all metals are magnets, however.  But a metal can become magnetized by another magnet, and it's called induced magnetism. The way this works is that you take the magnet and repeatedly stroke the metal object in one direction, like from the middle to its end.  After awhile, the non-magnetic metal object is itself magnetized. It now attracts other metal things. The way this works, as best as scientists are able to deduce, is because all metal items have these little domains in them. Little bundles of positive/negative charges that are ordinarily all jumbled up haphazardly in the metal.  Picture a little pile of dominoes. Or better yet, a big tangle of hair. The magnet stroking against the metal is like a big hairbrush slowly teasing out the tangles in the hair and re-ordering it to lie flat and smooth and orderly. The domains which were previously all jumbled, begin to lie flat and orderly in a very neat chain and it is this process of order that turns them into a magnet. Their charges are essentially lined up and they function like a magnet. 

Interestingly, this induced magnetism wears off.  In fact, it takes some metals longer to become magnetized than others. The metals that become magnetized faster actually lose their magnetic property sooner and those that take longer to become magnetic remain so longer.

The spiritual parallel that God showed me was this: God is like that big magnet and his followers (Christ-followers) are pieces of metal. Regular, continual exposure to God changes something in us and makes us magnetic to others. God touching us changes us - it reorders what is jumbled and messed up in us and straightens it out. When we are faithful to spend time with Him, it so changes us that we attract others to us by the sheer magnetic impact of God's touch and presence in our lives. 

However, this power or magnetism is not of us. In our own power, on our own strength, we lose the magnetic pull altogether. It is only the power of God changing us on a regular basis - the effect of God on us- that truly attracts people. It is also worth noting that we, once magnetized, will only be attractive to other metals, other potentially magnetizable objects. A magnetized metal will not attract a piece of wood or plastic.  

We are only magnetic to those who are capable of responding to that magnetic pull.  In other words, not everyone is going to respond to the power of God in us, no matter how strong that power is. They just won't. It isn't our fault. The Bible says that God knows those who are His - just as metal will always be metal and wood will never be metal. But WE don't know. We should never make assumptions about anyone because for all we know, every person we encounter is a potential metal. Only God knows whether they are or not. Our job isn't to make that call, only to be his induced magnet.

I find it also mind-blowing that just as we are "metals" once and for always - when we distance ourselves from God - the effect is that we lose our magnetism, but not our identity. God still sees our magnetic potential and knows we are metals (or His), but we have chosen to let the reordering power of His presence wear off. So we hold no attraction to those around us.

The lesson for me (and hopefully you) is that daily time spent with God is vital if we are to be of any great impact for God and the work of building His kingdom. Apart from Him, we can do nothing. With Him, we are changed in a powerful way.

But the basic reality of God is plain enough.  Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes, as such, can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. So nobody has a good excuse.

Romans 1:19-20 (the Message)

If you read my post yesterday about the Gran Fondo, you might recall my mentioning that I experienced the benefits of drafting with a pack of fellow cyclists for the first time.  I also mentioned that for part of the time, Kyle and I weren't in a pack, but off by ourselves, and that I enjoyed this too.

Riding on a bike for 4 hours gives you plenty of time for contemplation, and I took advantage of that time.  I found myself thinking about the whole principal of drafting and riding in a pack versus going at it on your own.  As is so often the case, there are clear parallels between cycling and life. 

Cycling is very often a solitary sport. I think partly that may be due to the long hours that it can demand - hours which not everyone is able to give up.  Cycling can often be a very communal sport, too.  People love to meet up for big group rides. I know of so many different groups that meet up at all different locations, days, times...the longer the training ride you need, the nicer it can be to have a buddy! 

One of the main benefits of riding with a group is when you form that line and begin to take advantage of the benefits of drafting - slipping into the airstream behind another cyclist - which allows you to maintain significantly higher speeds at a fraction of the energy expenditure.  The person leading "pulls" the pack until they need a break at which time they peel off to the left and then find a hole in the line to slip over into.  Meanwhile, the next person in line takes their turn. Theoretically everyone benefits. Faster speed, less energy.

There are times, however, such as in triathlons, when drafting is illegal. You are required to maintain a certain distance between yourself and the next cyclist and you have a set amount of time in which to pass other cyclists or you'll be penalized and potentially disqualified. Triathlons are excellent for those who are comfortable going at it alone.

I think that's one reason I find myself drawn to them. It's an internal battle more than anything.

I love that it pushes me. It's also scary because you're faced with all your weaknesses and are forced to come to grips with yourself on the grittiest level. What are you made of? 

It's the question that emerges on a really long run, on a hard struggle up a hill, at the end of a long week, in the middle of the day being the mother of four children.

Those of you who know me well know that I fly solo more often than not.

I choose to home school apart from any type of group. I prefer to do independent Bible studies outside of group settings. I don't often join things. I am not a people pleaser.

I am far more apt to make a decision that goes against what everyone else is doing, not just to be contrary, but because I don't care what everyone else is doing if it isn't what's best for our family.

On that bike ride this past Saturday, I enjoyed riding by myself for many miles, battling the headwind and seeing what my body was capable of handling.

On the flip side of that, I would be a fool if I didn't notice that there were huge advantages to riding as part of that larger group on Saturday.  It was good for me to really FEEL the difference.  One tangible difference between riding solo and in a group is that on your own, you're always pedaling. Unless you're free-wheeling down a hill for a second, most of the time, your legs are spinning - working. In that line of other riders, slipping through the air stream, you actually find that doing the same amount of work makes you go too fast - you bump up against the next rider - so you let off the pedals every now and then.  

Life is very much like this. There are times for you to go at it alone, and there are times to be part of a larger group - both to contribute and to benefit from its advantages, the give and take. 

Even if you wouldn't define yourself as a loner, even if you are an extrovert who prefers to be surrounded by people, the reality of life, especially motherhood, is that much of it is done by yourself (not counting these little people who are our children).  The hard bits, the dirty bits, the pure work that motherhood can be - it's like the triathlon part. You might wish you could "draft", but you just have to dig deep and do the job you have to do. And it hurts at times and strips you raw of all you thought you had, and you think, dang, I did NOT take in enough "nutrition" today. Where are my Gu's, my energy gels? I'm dying here!!

About that. As followers of Christ, we are never truly alone. Just as I believe I'm never truly alone even on a bike in the middle of nowhere. Being a mom 24/7, I am never without the "nutrition" I require to complete the job.  As an athlete, when your body absolutely runs out of juice and you hit the wall, it's called Bonking. As a believer, you never have to bonk, because we have constant access to the power of God which fuels us more substantially, more thoroughly than any energy gel or electrolyte tablet out there. I find, too often, that when I reach my limit with my kids, what I failed to do was "supplement" my personal limit with the abundant stores of grace, mercy, kindness, humor and peace that come from the Holy Spirit.  Whether I chose not to have a quiet time or prayer time, or what, it's no different from being unprepared on a run or ride and just running out of juice.  

Since we all are required to perform solo for at least part of the time, be prepared for it. Fuel up with the spiritual stores offered to us by our Creator and Maker.  In Isaiah 43, God says, When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

Our waters and rivers may not be the same as each others, and the levels that are treacherous to us may be different, but thankfully, God doesn't specify a certain water level or river depth.  He just says, YOU. When YOU pass through. Your stressful day doesn't have to be the same circumstances as my stressful day to be worthy of His intervention.   Just know that He is there to be called upon. His promise holds for each of us who are called by His name. He is our Savior, on our solo days, no matter what.

He also gives us a body of believers designed to function as a team, a pack, so that we may experience the benefit of both leading and following. Our journey doesn't have to be a full out energy dump every single day. In fact, when I over-isolate myself and get super snappy at Kyle and the kids, it's probably because I'm not taking advantage of that body of believers.  Or if I am, maybe I'm leading instead of benefiting from the slipstream. All of the work, none of the drafting. How dumb is that? Worse, even, than just flying solo. 

There are undeniable benefits from spending time with my fellow believers, my fellow moms, my dear friends. I realize that now as clearly as I ever have.  It doesn't change who I am as a person or my desire, need even, for solitude. But if Christ has established a body for the purpose of functioning better together than apart, I'd be pretty unwise to take part in that process. 

Isolation can definitely be a good thing...after all, these thoughts I share with you are ones that I mulled over while alone on my bike.  However, even I need the boost from the shared journey experience.  There's no shame in riding together, no loss of honor in reaching out for companionship on these daily journeys of ours. Truth be told, I'm honored to be sharing the journey with many of you, and the struggles you share make my own a little easier. I hope knowing that it's a struggle for me, too, puts you in that slipstream and eases your efforts. 

Finishing up the theme from yesterday, let me just dive right into the four final insights shared by Dr. Robert Lewis on Raising Spiritually Healthy Children.....

#5 - Customize your parenting to each child.

Our children are unique from each other and from us.  We are foolish if we think there's such a thing as "one size fits all" parenting. Not the case at all.  God made and wired each of our kids totally differently and this requires some insight and thoughtful parenting on our parts.

Here's where Robert got very specific and practical. 

a) He said do not let your child get to be 13 without knowing their personality types. While there are numerous personality testing models out there, he specifically referred to one as old as the hills - the Hippocrates Personality Models. These have stood the test of time and are also simple enough to remember.  Kyle and I googled Hippocrates Personality Test and found an online test that we did for ourselves and each of our children (excluding Dorien...although after going through the questions, even now, at the age of 2, we're pretty sure we've identified his personality type).

If you're curious...Every member of our family was different.

Kyle - Phelgmatic

Ashley - Choleric

Brooklyn - Sanguine

August - Melancholy

(We suspect Dorien will also be a choleric like his mommy...)

Just goes to show you that within a family, the array of personality differences can be mind-blowing. You need to know and understand not only yourself, but each of your children. This helps you interpret why you react a certain way to one child rather than another, and know how best to parent that particular personality type.  Because what works for a sanguine will crash and burn with a melancholic.

(The one thing I dislike about this particular personality test is that all the types sound so negative....but what can you do? Hippocrates didn't ask my opinion).

Robert also recommended a book by Florence Littauer, Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself.

b) Have your children take an IQ test. 

You may be dealing with a genius and not know it, and that will certainly affect things. 

c) Have your children take a Design Test (and if you haven't already, do so for yourself).

This is something all men do when they go through Men's Fraternity, but it's not limited to men.  In fact, I recently took this myself.  There's a website called Your Unique Design that helps you identify your specific design - it costs $35 but gives you an incredibly detailed analysis of how God made you at the end of it. I highly recommend it.

d) Lastly, before your child goes to college, have them take an Aptitude Test. Find a center that offers testing of this type and invest in it. How much better to know in advance what our children are best suited for BEFORE they pursue a degree or career path for which they are completely unsuited. 

#6 - Avoid the four horsemen of "Too Much".

- Too much control - up to age 12, we are our children's coaches. After age 13, the game changes and we need to shift into a more Cheerleader role. Not to say you're not continuing to provide clear boundaries and the resultant consequences when those boundaries are overstepped, but you have laid the foundation by age 13 so that you're now in a position to cheer them on when they make their own decisions.

- Too Much Money - Spoils and pacifies a child

 - Too Much Expectation - push them to be good students, but don't set unrealistic, CRUSHING expectations

- Too Much MOM - (ESPECIALLY when it comes to sons...) up to age 12, be mushy and affectionate and loving to your sons, but after that age, step back and let them separate from you as they naturally should.  Robert made it a point to say that he was in no way undermining the importance of Mom's or our roles in our children's lives, but he was quite clear on the absolute necessity of mother's letting go of their boys in order for them to develop in a natural, healthy way as MEN. 

This is essential - otherwise we raise boys who seek out wives to mother them. Which causes those future wives to resent their husbands who don't act as godly husbands should. Even if it means telling your sweet boy to suck it up when things don't go his way on a sport's team - to toughen up in the face of opposition - as much as it may go against our natural instinct - do it. Love your boys by letting them become the MEN God intended for them to be.

This does not mean you don't still hug or show your son affection - it just means you make sure you're not cushioning them from life's blows. Those blows may be just the resistance God intends to chisel your sweet baby into a strong, godly MAN.

#7 - Spend lots of PERSONAL TIME (one on one) with your children.

Quality time is not programmable. 

Again, squeeze out the ME - the greatest gift I'll ever give the world is my kids.

Robert emphasized the importance of dating your children. With no end date on that thought. Just because your children are grown, that's no reason you can't still have some quality one-on-one time with them. Call up your daughter and get her husband to watch the kids - take her out for some quality time with her Dad (or Mom). Get to know your kids by spending time with them.  

#8 - Provide "Clear Gender Vision"

By the time our kids are age 13, we need to make sure they fully understand what a godly man or woman is designed to look like.  This goes back to "Without a vision, the people perish." Substitute "man" or "woman" for "people".  Our boys and girls need to have a clear idea of what they're striving towards. 

This is particularly important for fathers and sons. In a world that increasingly blurs the definition of any gender at all, it's all that more important to defy those grey areas and help your sons see that God does have a clear picture for what a man is to be. And women, for that matter.

This clear gender vision also incorporates a clear picture of how God designed our bodies for sex and intimacy. By the time your kids hit puberty, take responsibility for teaching your kids God's view on this, not the world's. 

Some specific resources Robert mentioned are...

Men's Fraternity (for a definition on manhood)

Passport2Purity

For Young Women Only

For Young Men Only

Raising a Modern Day Knight

Something that makes this process more memorable is to celebrate milestones or rites of passage with special ceremonies.  I know Robert Lewis' book, Raising a Modern Day Knight, addresses this for boys specifically, at ages 13, 16, 18 and 21. Robert suggests camping trips with other men and their sons as good opportunities to celebrate these rites of passage. 

----------------

In summary, Robert mentioned something key that God did repeatedly for Jesus while He was on earth, something Robert referred to as "The Blessing". Over and over, during Jesus' time on earth, God appeared and said, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased. Listen to Him..."

This blessing bestowed by God the Father onto His son can be broken down into three components:

1) I love you

2) I'm proud of you

3) You're good at these things___________

At all times during our children's lives, from small to grown, we as parents need to seek opportunities to bestow The Blessing on them.  Obviously it need not be "This is my beloved son...." but just simply those three sentences above - What an affirmation for our children and how wise of us to follow in the clearly laid out footprints of the greatest Father the world has ever known.

Right off the bat, I should preface this post by saying that this post is all about raising children,  and not just that, but raising children who are spiritually healthy. In the sense of having a strong, secure, lasting faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. If this is something you have no interest in, click to your next blog for the day. 

If it does interest you, keep reading.

Kyle and I attend an evangelical Bible church, Fellowship Bible Church, that was formed in 1977, the year I was born.  The original group of pastors who formed it are now no longer the primary pastors, but they are still involved in various capacities - and many of them have ministries that extend well beyond our church and community, into the world at large.  One gentleman, Robert Lewis, has written tons of books on raising godly children as well as creating the Men's Fraternity curriculum that many churches around the country are teaching.  Kyle went through this a few years ago and it was such an amazing thing for him.  It gets to the crux of what it means to be a man of God. To be a MAN, period. It helps men deal with wounds from their childhood - mother wounds, father wounds, etc. Highly practical, enlightening, instructive and challenging. I can't say enough good things about it. Or about Robert Lewis. Suffice it to say, when he speaks at something, Kyle and I make sure we're there.

This past Sunday evening, he spoke on Raising Spiritually Healthy Children.  I was blown away by the wisdom and insight he shared with us. It was not only so intuitive, but also incredibly practical. Since I imagine there are other parents out there interested in raising spiritually healthy children, but who were unable to attend that session, I am sharing with you what he said. This is all from him - not from me. 

He shared 8 specific insights into raising spiritually healthy children. In order to not overwhelm you with a bunch of text (this is a pic-free post), I am breaking this post up into 2 parts. It'll still be lengthy, but if you have children, it is so worth the read. Not because it's from me, but because it's from an extremely wise, godly man who has successfully raised 4 godly children and has learned a great deal - and he's sharing it with us. I just took really copious notes to share it with you!

So, let's dive in.

#1 - Great parenting begins and ends with a visible faith at home.

A "little Christianity" is the worst kind of spiritual exposure for our children. It leads to "religion" which is the antithesis of what Christianity is - a relationship with God. A "little Christianity" will only inoculate our children against a true faith over the long term. 

Essentially, if your children are only exposed to a living faith while at church on Sundays, you are setting them up beautifully to completely walk away from the faith as they get older.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to determine if there is a visible faith present in your home:

- Do my kids see us (my husband and I) having spiritual conversations?

-Do they see me and Kyle reading our Bible and spending time with the Lord?

-Do they see us asking for forgiveness from them (or each other) when we mess up?

Having a passion about our relationship with the Lord is vital because passion is catching. So is apathy. 

#2 - The best spiritual gift you can give your kids is a GOOD MARRIAGE.

Marriage is 75% of parenting. Truly. 

Modeling a good, solid, strong, faith-filled marriage is so critical to raising spiritually healthy children that if you are having trouble in your marriage, make fixing your marriage a priority OVER your kids.

WE takes precedence over ME.  

If it's suddenly occurring to you (as a parent) that you're having to be more unselfish than comes naturally to you, wrap your mind around the fact that parenting is one of the great shapers of our lives. It's not so much about just you anymore - there's a marriage that is of vital importance - to YOU and your spouse and to those children who now look to you for stability, security, direction and inspiration.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but a solid marriage does more for solidifying the spiritual health of our children than ANYTHING else. Food for thought.

#3 - Parent with clear ends in mind.

Proverbs 29:18 says Without a vision, the people perish.

This is never more true than in parenting. Parenting should be purposeful, not slap-dash and make-do.  The best thing we as parents can do is sit down and make a list of attributes, specific character traits, specific terms that we want our children to have/be by the time they leave our house.  

If you're floundering about where to start with those, may I suggest...

Godly priorities; love God and others before themselves; make the biggest difference for God in their lives that they can....those are good places to start.

Robert Lewis specifically recommended that we all read Revolutionary Parenting by George Barna.  He said it is incredibly helpful in this regard.

#4 - Balance DISCIPLINE with LOVE as a parent.

In parenting, there is a spectrum along with each of our styles can be plotted.

Think of an x/y axis. 

High Love 

|

|

|

|

Low Discipline                                                                                                      High Discipline

|

|

|

|

|

Low Love

If you have High Love and High Discipline (top right quadrant) - that is an Authoritative parenting style.

Low Discipline and High Love (top left quadrant) - Permissive Parenting.

Low Discipline and Low Love (bottom left quadrant) - Neglectful Parenting.

Low Love and High Discipline (bottom right quadrant) - Authoritarian Parenting.

So, I'm sure you're looking at that thinking about where you fall and whether it's a good place to be or not.  The BEST place to be - the best parenting style would be the Authoritative. You can't go wrong with high love balanced by clear discipline expectations.

The second best style would be Permissive Parenting, followed by Neglectful Parenting.
What you absolutely don't want is to be an Authoritarian Parent.

It is so destructive to dole out discipline consistently without balancing it with lots and lots of love. 

Robert pointed out that most fathers find it too easy to fall into the Authoritarian category which is exceedingly damaging to our children.  So, Dads, if this is a tendency of yours - seek the Lord's help in overcoming this because it will rip your kids to shreds. OR, cause them to run like heck in the opposite direction of your faith when they're old enough to make their own choices.

Stay tuned for Part 2 - which I'll post tomorrow.

God bless you on your own parenting journeys!

As soon as school lets out here in the South, all the local churches begin advertising for Vacation Bible Schools.  I don't know if this is strictly a Southern thing, but it seems like every time I pass a church, there's a banner in their lawn letting me know when their programs kick off.

As a kid, my brothers and I (I exclude my sister from this because I don't remember her being old enough to attend during the same years I did) would spend a few weeks each summer attending various VBS programs around the city.  Usually they were Baptist churches that we'd never set foot in prior to their VBS programs, but they all usually had about the same flavor. I'm sure this was a nice break for my mom during those summer days.

I have one specific memory of attending VBS at Central Baptist Church.  For some reason, our class had a jar of tadpoles that I'm pretty sure was part of a Bible lesson. What I remember most about these tadpoles is not a deep spiritual truth, but the fact that we all arrived one morning to find the tadpoles missing from their jar. Their whereabouts remain a mystery to this day.  Years later, I still wonder if there are rogue frogs hopping around the hallways of Central Baptist Church when the doors are locked for the night.

When I was around 7 or 8, our Grandma Barbara (my mom's mom) gave my mom a break from her growing clan and took all of us grandkids (as many as were of age) down to Monticello to stay at the Farm for a week to attend Bible School at Enon Baptist Church.  

Interesting side note - my Grandma STILL drives to Monticello twice a week to play the organ for Enon Baptist Church although she lives the rest of the week in her house in Pine Bluff.  She's dedicated. She also has a house full of 25 cats in Pine Bluff that heavily rely on her for food and litter box cleaning.

At the time we would come down to Bible School as kids, there was no fancy farmhouse like there is now. No bunk beds or fancy kitchen. No air conditioning, come to that. It was the old house, the one that has stood on the crest of the hill for over a hundred years and that is now falling apart.  No one lives there but the wasps and a few old pieces of furniture that somehow never moved out.  

My Grandma took responsibility for the bunch of us, cooked for us, watched us run around the Farm like a bunch of wild bohemians, and every morning, escorted us to her little country church's VBS. How well I remember her opening her bulging coin purse to fish out a quarter for each of her grandchildren.  She wanted to make sure we each had something to put in the offering. Funny how those little details linger in a memory.

Speaking of memories, I'll share another.  One summer while my brothers and I were there, Monticello experienced a bout of rain that was as close to Noah's days as anything I'd ever seen.  After weeks of steady rain, the woods which surround the farm, on a lower elevation than the Old Farmhouse, were flooded.  It helped that there is a nice little creek weaving its way back and forth through the woods. This creek flooded and when combined with all the rain and low meadows, it all added up to one extended, relatively shallow lake. My brothers and I seized on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and turned it into a Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn-esque adventure. We hauled an old canoe down to the edge of the woods, each grabbed a paddle and set forth to rowing through our new lake forest.  In hindsight, this was a pretty crazy venture. No telling what snakes we could have encountered or even how deep that water might have been. But we were fearless and adventurous and we made the absolute most out of every day that week. It was a child's dream. And to my knowledge, that level of flooding in the woods has never happened again.

Years have passed and now I have my own little brood, finally old enough to begin attending VBS at the little country church, just like their Momma. So, for the first time, this year, I took my kiddos down to the Farm (the new house this time) and enrolled them in the 5 day program. I didn't leave them with Grandma, however, but decided to stay and enjoy a little break myself.  Grandma needed to drive back and forth from Monticello to Pine Bluff, anyway. 

Dorien was too little to attend, so he stayed at the Farm with me and we rode 4 wheelers, played together and read books for the 2 hours Brooklyn and August were in class each evening.  And that's a change from my VBS days - classes are now held in the evenings instead of the mornings! I guess that's for all the working moms.  Other than that, very little has changed at Enon Baptist Church.  The playground equipment has been updated a bit. But from what I can tell, the snacks were pretty much the same and many of the teachers are the same as when I was a kid. They were so excited to see the first of the Next Generation of my family begin to attend.  Grandma was beside herself, she was so excited.

It was a wonderful week for us.  We left Kyle back on Goshen to keep bringing home the bacon and to man our little urban "Farm".  He was responsible for feeding the dog, the cat and chickens and he did a great job! I kept occupied at the country Farm with sewing projects - more on that later - books, slathering on sunscreen, watching the kids swim in the little pool, ride their mini-4 wheelers and just generally enjoy life in the quiet country for a few days.  It was lovely, and I was so proud to see my children enjoying something that I enjoyed with my own brothers for so many years.  It's nice to continue traditions like that. 

It is precious to see how much my kids enjoyed their Bible School. They learned all about Moses (or, should I say, even more about Moses) and somehow this was all combined with a theme of knights and castles. Can't quite connect the dots on those two, but it didn't matter for the kids who thrilled at being in Bible School with Grandma Barbara.  They learned songs with hand motions, ate nachos and other junk they don't normally get, and made a few crafts.  They marveled at the silver teeth of some of their classmates while I marveled at the thick Southern twangs I heard emanating from those classmates. And I found out later that my Grandma made sure to give Brooklyn and August each a quarter for their offering.  It's all one big cycle, I guess. And what a joy to see this Next Generation experiencing such pure goodness.

Just look at the joy on those faces. Old, young, it doesn't make a difference. 

Kyle said Ms. Marie was a feisty one, and clearly she found a buddy in my children. 

I am so proud of them.

I sit here on my bed this afternoon, with Dorien asleep beside me. I am surrounded by my latest knitting project, my Bible, Scripture Memorization book, prayer journal, iphone, and a book from the library called My Ideal Bookshelf.

And as I have circulated through each of the above mentioned items, I find myself thinking about things that might be things that you, too, think about.

The most pressing of those thoughts is on the topic of GUARANTEES. 

Because we live in a culture that takes pretty good care of us and we have come to expect that from our lives, we unconsciously begin to think that things in our life should be guaranteed to work. To survive. To last for a certain amount of time.

And to be honest, that thinking is fostered by the sheer number of guarantees which are out there, plastered over products and attached with strings. It makes sense that we have come to this place of expectation.

Only it is a false promise.

There really aren't guarantees that truly make our lives painless.

Because our lives weren't meant to be painless. Yes, we may be able to exchange our vacuum cleaners if they peter out on us unexpectedly, but that's less of a heart-break and more of an inconvenience. 

What about the things you really love?

Husbands, wives, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, dear friends, beloved pets, even our homes sometimes, or our place in life, our jobs, our roles, our happiness.

When we receive a diagnosis that stuns us or rips our world apart. When a pregnancy stops unexpectedly. When a job is taken away. When a tree falls on your car and totals it. When your pet disappears and doesn't come back.  When your baby is hospitalized for a heart condition. When you think the next day will be exactly like the one before it and yet, it unexpectedly just isn't.

Right about then, you're wishing for that guarantee.

In July, our family got a new Golden Retriever, Singer. This was a purchase that was made after significant research and thought and prayer and time and waiting and if there were ever to be a line of breeding that should guarantee us at least 11 years of a happy, healthy Golden Retriever, it would make sense that it would come from this place. 

Yet, out of the blue, this past Monday, as Singer was at the vet to get spayed, I received a call from our vet who had Singer hooked up to an ECG machine and noticed some odd heart beats. He was requesting my permission to fax the ECG to a cardiologist in Dallas. 

Come to find out, for reasons as yet unknown, Singer was experiencing Premature Ventricular Contractions (PVCs). She was immediately pulled off anesthesia and her surgery delayed indefinitely. We're now trying to figure out what is wrong with her. The day before, I would have sworn she was the picture of health!

After hours on the phone with her breeder and even more hours on the phone with my vet and even more late hours on the internet searching for everything I can find regarding PVCs in dogs, the etiology, treatment and outcome, I find myself at a place of having more knowledge on the subject, but no more clarity on what's going on.  And remarkably, I'm not freaking out about this.

It's funny because often you really do see contracts for puppies with a "health guarantee". All a breeder can really do is make good choices with her breeding stock to avoid the main breed problems, but there's never a true guarantee that something random won't show up that only God could foresee. 

That may be what I'm dealing with here. I should know more in about a week.

But I do know that I wanted that guarantee because I want to be kept free from hurting over the loss of another dog that I love deeply. Just as I have friends who are looking at dramatic changes in their life when they pretty much thought they were nestled in to their current place for the rest of their adult lives. 

We like guarantees. But obviously we don't need them, or God would have them literally built in to everything.

What we do need is faith in a plan greater than our own. Faith in a God who sees ALL when we just imagine shadows and flickers into stories and plans. We need faith that a God who says that He cares, does. Even when the world we live in presents us repeatedly with unexpected heartbreak and trials. We're supposed to have those things in this world, but take heart - God has overcome the world! 

This life is about learning. Learning to love even when there are risks. Learning to trust when you don't see the next step before your foot lands. Learning to listen to that still, small voice of the Holy Spirit as He guides you. Learning to ignore the loud clamoring distractions of the worry and anxiety and fear that wants to dominate you. Learning to focus on the things that matter and choose not to concern yourself with the rest.

Learning to surrender and rest and persevere when it isn't easy. To make the difficult choices and follow that path which looks increasingly narrow and difficult compared to the one everyone else is walking.

Learning to embrace grace. Learning to stop hoping for guarantees and begin relying on God's promises.

Our job, our task in this life is to fear God (respect and esteem and worship Him for the little we understand and the vast amounts we don't) and keep His commandments. His instructions for living that are designed to keep our eyes on Him in the midst of a raging storm.

My kids are memorizing Isaiah 26:3 this week and it seems strangely timely...(and I'm not embarrassed to tell you that as I write these words, tears are in my eyes and my heart is broken and humble before my great God...)

"You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You."

In the search for guarantees, that's a pretty strong one.

No matter who you are, no matter your skills, competencies, intelligence, education, background, prior salaries and bonuses, no matter how great you are at building a spreadsheet or making things happen in a corporate environment - 

if, like me, you voluntarily step out of that working environment in order to stay home full-time with your children, the odds are good that you just might have a crisis of identity every now and then. 

It has been almost six years since I began staying home with Brooklyn and now August and Dorien, and I have no regrets. I absolutely believe with all my heart that God wants me here. He made it abundantly clear that this was His plan for us.  

That does not mean, however, that every day is peaches and cream or chocolate and bon-bons. What it DOES mean is that I don't get paychecks or bonuses that make me feel like I've really accomplished something, that validate me. 

It means that instead of wearing suits and heels and feeling professional and put-together, I very often go all day without taking a shower, I rarely put on make-up and I wear clothes that aren't necessarily something I want to be seen in outside the house.  I do realize that it's a good thing to look good for your husband and I do try to look good for him, but my image is certainly not what it once was on a daily basis.

Instead of striding confidently down a workplace corridor, I am more frequently corralling my rascally kids in the aisle of my local Kroger.

Instead of sorting documents and reports and printing out things I've prepared, I'm usually sorting socks, underwear, jeans and cloth diapers.

Instead of being surrounded by competent, intelligent people with whom I discuss financial ratios, business plans and strategies, I am surrounded by people under 4 feet tall with snot dripping down their noses until I wipe them. Little people who need their diapers changed, their bums wiped, their meals prepared, their quarrels mediated, their clothes picked out.  

It means that instead of running to Boulevard to get their soup of the day, I eat lots of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Instead of coffee every morning, I am lucky if I get a chance to make myself a pot of hot tea.

Instead of working later than everyone at the office, I am up later than everyone in my house doing that last load of laundry or picking up the last few toys that the kids missed.

Instead of having adult conversations, I am privileged (and frequently amused) to hear the most imaginative tales of doctors and nurses, unicorns, dragons, princesses and animals drifting along the breezes in my house. 

I used to marvel at women (in my previous life) who would crave the companionship of other adults, for I was usually all to happy to be alone with my husband at the end of our days.  Far away from other adults. And while I still wouldn't say I crave adult companionship, I have definitely learned the value of a like-minded adult woman who gets where my life is these days. 

The past few weeks, I have been in a slump. It probably has something to do with a month of various bugs and viruses and something to do with the wrapping up of our first semester of home school and something to do with the fact that my husband's been away on business more than usual and a whole lot to do with the fact that I haven't had a chance to really talk to my best friend in several months.  

I started losing sight of who I was and began to wonder whether things made sense at all. Was my life anything more than Chief Cook and Bed-Maker? Queen of the Vacuum? Lady of the Laundry? Master of the Medicine Cabinet? Mistress of Money-Management? I was really beginning to wonder who I was and was it worth anything at all.

Just as I burrowed deeper and deeper into the Depths of Despair, I found myself telling Kyle how desperately I needed time with my dearest friend, Emily.  And as the Lord is not only sovereign, but also kind to me, I got a text from her that very morning. I responded with the eagerness of a drowning person snatching at a life preserver. We set up a date for today. I planned my school week so that today would be an Off Day and I looked forward to our visit.

Emily's kids are girl, boy, boy, just like mine. And a year ahead of each of mine, almost exactly.  And they blend together like peanut butter and chocolate.  In other words, perfectly.

Emily and I spent today together (with our children), from 10 - 3:30, pouring out our hearts and lives, thoughts, frustrations and challenges. We compared notes and encouraged each other. We hashed out details and listened to each other.  I think we each were encouraged to remember why we are here in this phase of our lives: because God called us to these roles at this time in our lives.  We were reminded that it truly is a privilege and an honor to be able to stay home and raise, as well as personally educate, our children. And no, it is not without its challenges and frustrations, but is anything? 

I walked in the door of her house a woman in crisis.  I left her house feeling rejuvenated, encouraged, uplifted, optimistic and with a renewed sense of purpose.  I was reminded of the awesome power of friendship. Of the healing power of time together. Of God's desire for His children, particularly mothers, to bask in the fellowship of other believers walking similar paths.  It's good to know we're not traveling these paths, working so hard uphill (frequently feeling like it's as black as night all around us), all alone.  

To reach out your hand in a moment of humility and helplessness and feel another hand grasp yours firmly - it is enough. It is good. It transforms an identity crisis into an identify affirmation.

The journey is no less challenging, but I remember who I am and why I'm here.

God is good.