For others, they may start out like other little girls, playing with dolls and pretending to be a mommy and probably thinking that someday, that play would become reality. But not dwelling on it. And perhaps, life events change their mind. There are others who know that children are something they absolutely don't want. Or can't foresee wanting. And I will allow here that our foresight for desire is extremely limited, especially when it comes to the desire to have kids. It can be absent one day and present the next. Or it can stalk you for years until it jumps on your back one day.

I use to scorn the first type - scoffing at their lack of ambition, their willingness to settle for a way of life that seemed prosaic to me. I would probably say I fell in the second category. I played dolls, Barbie, etc. and thought I'd have kids, but then life's events changed my mind. I became one who had no desire to have kids. Why is that, you ask?

Well, I am the oldest of 7 kids. I don't remember a time in my life when there weren't kids, babies and siblings afoot. I never minded it growing up, in fact, I LOVED being part of a large family. At the TOP of the large family. But I noticed that as I grew older and observed my girlfriends longing for boyfriends to become fiances to become husbands to give them babies....I did not at all share that desire. I won't say I wasn't hoping to find that certain guy, but not for the babies. Don't get me wrong, I love babies and loved them then. I just had no desire to have my own. I felt like I had already had that, being the oldest of so many kids. I had changed more diapers than most people would in a lifetime. I knew what babies were, and toddlers, and pre-schoolers...and I was over it.

Also, I was born ambitious. I had goals - I wanted to be a doctor. From an extremely early age, my sights were set on an MD, not an MRS. I single-mindedly pursued that course all through college and upon graduation, was set to pursue medical school. On that course, God used several different things to change my mind - I ended up working in business with my dad, instead! Go figure!

But I had no intention or desire to be a stay-at-home mom. I had a brain and wanted to use it! Not that those who did desire to stay at home with kids didn't have a brain...they certainly did. I know many super smart girls who chose motherhood over a career. But the desire just wasn't there for me. And I did find the guy, fell in love, got my MRS, but set my sights further on an MBA, not MOM.

And I was astounded that immediately after getting married, the question began to be posed to me: When do you guys plan to start a family? How many kids do you want? When are you going to get pregnant?

It infuriated me. As though my sole purpose as a woman was just to serve as a baby machine. I detested that question and before I knew it, the pouring on of that question served to kill any lingering desires I might have had. Like an anti-fertilizer.

I fought off that question for 5 years, all while being happily married to the man of my dreams and enjoying every second of our life together. Never feeling like anything was missing or empty...just happy. I went back to school and got my MBA and kept working, loving my job and my life.

It so happened that I did have some friends in my life who had a little girl who made parenthood look seamless. They were still passionate about each other and did not step out of life in order to be a parent. I was heartened by their attitude and lifestyle. And it also happened that God started working on my heart, and I literally woke up one day thinking kids might not be a horrible idea now after all.

Long story short, we got pregnant quickly, had a miscarriage, got pregnant again, had Brooklyn, 2.5 years later, had August. And we'd like more.

So have we changed? Have I changed? I would say no to both of those questions. And yes to both questions. Fundamentally, no, we have not changed. Kyle and I still are who we were. Same interests, same great friendship, love life, passion for each other, we still go to the gym every day like we did before. We have not switched tracks. We have, obviously, changed with the entry of kids in our lives. We are less selfish. Not begrudgingly, but because we find ourselves enamored with these little creatures of ours and happy to give up some selfishness.

My biggest fear is boxes. I am metaphorically claustrophobic. The very idea of fitting me into a box of "stay at home mom" or any other box terrifies me and leaves me scrabbling for air. I most feared becoming a stereotype after having kids. I saw friends of mine and just knew I couldn't do things that way. It wasn't me. And I have been liberated to discover that I can still be exactly who I am AND be a wonderful, loving mother to my kids and loving wife to my husband. And fit no boxes. I can be unconventional, let my kids stay up later and sleep later if I want to. I can do things my way. I can choose to not be a "play date" mom and still keep my girlfriends who have kids. I can not pretend to sing silly songs at birthday parties. I can not wear mom-jeans. I can participate in a weekly Bible study and not fit a template. I can still be me. And that is CRITICAL TO MY SANITY!

And the other thing that was completely unexpected, but I found to be THE best thing about having children: your kids are not other people's kids. They are you and your husband all balled up, plus some other magical factor of themness. They can be your quirky, eccentric little mini-me's. Which makes being with them enough. They think you're funny. You can be yourself in all your selfness that makes other people cock their head and squint at you, but your kids find awesome!

You can take them with you flea marketing or to estate sales, to the gym, to the bookstore. You can do Ab Ripper X and your kids will do it with you. Your kids will learn to love yoga and the foods you like to cook. You don't have to start serving chicken nuggets! You can parent in your own way. You can make your own mistakes. You can choose not to let your kids get all sucked up in the "in vogue" characters (Dora, Cinderella, Tinkerbell, Blues Clues, who knows what else) because it is possible to avoid mainstream marketing and have happy kids. You don't have to have your house taken over by toys and kid paraphernalia.

When it's all said and done, what makes it work is that you find you love them with a love unlike any other and that loving them and spending time with them makes you happy. And you change in ways that are good, but don't necessarily turn you into a stereotype. That part is up to you. And I will never ever pressure anyone else to make that leap. It's a personal choice. And it's not a small one. But, it can be the best choice you make.