7:09 PM

An equally appropriate title for this post would be "Unforeseen Changes." 

If, 15 years ago, someone peeled back the present and gave me a glimpse of the future, of my life today, I wouldn't have believed them. I would have laughed out loud at the ludicrousness of things even for a second being what they are today.  

It's a good thing we don't get to determine the shape and movements of our future because as I've discovered in my life, we're poorly equipped to even imagine the shapes and movements our futures SHOULD take. Our vision is limited. Our imaginations are weak. Our convictions change. Our hearts soften. Our purposes alter. 

So much of who we are at our very core may remain the same, but so much else about us shifts seismically. If you measured the magnitude of shifts in my own life, it would be off the Richter scale in size, proportion and damage. Damage, that is, to what I thought I knew I wanted. But damage can be good, like a forest fire that burns away undergrowth and revives the forest. My dreams were burned away to the current reality. 

The only thing that hasn't changed from today to 15 years ago is Kyle. I knew Kyle would be there from the first moment I saw him. From the first moment we spoke. I was innocent and naive and determined and ambitious and driven and purposeful and yet God gave me one moment of clarity that yes, this was my future. With him.

Clearly, God gave me no hint of the other aspects of my future. Because I wasn't ready. Readiness has come one day at a time, one event at a time, one day of walking with the Lord followed by another one. 

The biggest shock to the "15 years ago me" would be the sheer domesticity of my life today. I would have ripped off my bra and burned it at the very thought of what I'd be today. Metaphorically speaking. There is a hint of feminism in me that may not be feminism truly, but perhaps just a strength that saw domesticity as a weakness. I no longer believe that, of course, but I used to see women who chose to stay at home as different from me as night from day. Interesting how night and day follow one another.

So what changed? My heart. My life. My dreams. Fortunately God does not always move us great distances all at once, or we'd probably never budge. Fear of the unknown, of that which is different, would root us to our current spot. We would never walk on water. 

Subtle changes such as an opening up of my whole soul to the possibilities that God may want different things for me. Maybe not medical school as I'd always dreamed. Maybe instead I'd become a bank consultant. Maybe instead of never having children, I'd slowly find that I did want them. And I found myself wanting to be there with my first child instead of following my original plan of continuing to work. 

God was extremely generous and made it possible for me to stay home. And that was my springboard into domesticity. I learned to knit. I discovered a love for cooking, for decorating, for mothering my children. For being pregnant and having babies, for nursing those babies. For making grocery lists and weekly trips to Kroger. I learned to sew and have already made 3 garments!  

Just this afternoon, I made meatballs, mashed potatoes, salad and bread to take my sister-in-law, Anna, who recently had a baby. There was such peace in my heart and joy, as I created something that was to be sustenance for someone I loved. I made some chocolate/caramel bars while wearing Dorien in my Moby. I scold my kids, instruct my kids, hug, kiss and love love love my kids. I change diapers, mop up baby spit, blow noses, fold laundry, I pay bills, I clean house, I do my quiet time to make sure my heart continues to be ready and open for whatever unforeseen changes God has yet to show me. I'm sure they're coming. I just hope I'm ready. But for now, I embrace domesticity and share with you the latest efforts of my growing bank of domestic skills.

August's overalls!

 Back View

 Side View

 And the sweet little leg.

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  1. I love this post! It's fabulous! God certainly has a plan for all of us, doesn't he?

  2. Ah honey, I loved you back then (well at least 14 years ago)but WOW, look at you now, proud to be your friend and watch this amazing evolution.

  3. the title of this post caught my eye from sarah v's blog. i totally identify.:)

  4. I so enjoy your writing! Its so true how God gives us just what we need and blesses us through that.
    Ashley C.

  5. I smiled all the way through this post. I'll never forget the look on your face 10 years ago when I told you all I wanted to be was a stay at home wife and mom. And now here you are, a mom and wife that I strive so much to emulate. You are quite the domestic queen these days and those amazing skills that helped you prosper in the business world are now coming into play as you prosper your family!

    You are such an amazing example my sweet friend and I love you dearly!

  6. So sweet! I know I'm so thankful He knows what is best for us. Can you imagine life without those sweeties?!
    We sure miss you all! Mack was talking today about "that girl", which I know is code for B. Not sure why he always calls her that, but he was talking about our last visit. Can't wait to catch up soon!

  7. You take my breath, dear one. Apparently one of your domestic skills is having become the best writer you've ever been. Admiration ensues.