My Body is Not My Own

5:17 PM

I realize that the topics of my blog jump all over the place, and that's because this blog tracks my thoughts which also jump all over the place. Hopefully you won't get dizzy if you are keeping track.

I have to say that within the last several days, I have been amazed to find my body with a mind of its own. I almost feel as though I'm just along for the ride, waiting to see what will happen next. Waiting with dread...cause I know that what comes next is a bigger belly, more pounds reflected on the scale, and a general loss of svelteness that I work so hard to achieve. For someone who loves to work out, lift weights, run and see the results of that hard work, pregnancy is really hard for me. I'm just being honest here. I love being pregnant. Don't get me wrong. But I feel like for these months, my body goes completely in the wrong direction!!!! I feel like I'm swelling up like a marshmallow man! And I'm only a third of the way there!

I have heard that things move quicker the second time around, and I'm finding that to be true! I know my uterus is getting bigger cause I see my stomach pooching out. While part of it is my growing uterus, the other part is just my stomach and intestines being pushed up and out! So I take one bite of food and I swear my stomach pooches out an inch. I also find my body responding in foreign ways to food. I eat something harmless and have gas for the rest of the day. And while we Dennis' are known for our "quirky" digestive systems, pregnancy takes that up a notch for me. Factor in constipation on top of the usual thrills, plus a hefty dose of GAS on top of the poochy belly, and I find myself wearing only sweatpants. My poor husband. He is so kind and tells me he still thinks I'm beautiful, but I wonder how he can believe it right now?

And then there's the boob situation. I'm being candid here, so buzz off if I'm getting too personal. Ok, so when I got pregnant with Brooklyn, immediately my breasts were so sore that I felt like I'd bench press'd three people. And it was this way for months, on top of which I grew a couple cup sizes. Fun for some, but not for me! I'd prefer smaller, rather than larger! So, you start feeling like a porn star, except not so sexy cause of your growing belly. Well, this time around, I had just finished weaning Brooklyn, and my breasts didn't feel sore at all. Or bigger. If anything, they were as small as they'd ever been and I was so excited! Until three days ago. I woke up one morning to feel some unexpected soreness (flashback to being preggo with B), and I kid you not, an hour later, they were slightly bigger. Kyle concurred. Two days later (today), I swear they are even bigger and heavier! No wonder I'm gaining weight! It's all coming together!

So, I'm finally starting to feel less nauseous (praise God!) but suddenly find myself feeling fat, bloated and sore! Ah well. I remind myself that pregnancy is a miraculous thing. That my blood volume is doubling which accounts for my gasping at the top of our stairs. (How is it that I can run for 30 minutes and feel fine, but panting as I walk up our stairs? Mind boggling.) One of these days I'll look pregnant and not just like I ate too much over the holidays...

In the meantime, I'll try not to complain too much as my body does its own thing and takes me along for the ride. :) Maybe I'll start glowing on top of everything else!

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