Ok, another CS Lewis topic. He also has a chapter on Christian Marriage. This chapter addresses, among other things, the topic of divorce. He looks at marriage in view of its relation to chastity, but also in relation to another virtue - justice. Which includes the keeping of promises.

When we get married, we make a public, solemn promise to stick to our partner till death. CS Lewis said some people may make the point that they regarded the promise made in church as a mere formality and never intended to keep it. (wow.) If so, then there was deception involved - they wanted the respectability attached to marriage without intending to pay the price - they were imposters. Very interesting... Lewis says further, "If they are still contented cheats, I have nothing to say to them: who would urge the high and hard duty of chastity on people who have not yet wished to be merely honest?...If people do not believe in permanent marriage, it is perhaps better that they should live together unmarried than that they should make vows they do not intend to keep. It is true that by living together without marriage they will be guilty (in Christian eyes) of fornication. But one fault is not mended by adding another: unchastity is not improved by adding perjury."

I don't know why, but that really struck a chord with me. We talk about how awful it is that people live together and what it says about them. It says that there is something holding them back from committing to stay together. That they know there is something inside them that will not keep that promise. That the promise being made really doesn't mean much to them. So they pretend marriage...they live together instead. And I'm sorry, but I would be absolutely offended if someone said they would only marry me after we lived together awhile to see if it worked. That sounds like they have doubts about me and us from the get-go. It clearly indicates an attitude of taking the good bits, but opting out of the bad bits. And that's just not life. We all get both.

I wonder how much more emotional damage we do by "living as one" living together and then splitting up compared to the damage of a divorce. Does the "two become one" take effect when you live with someone without the commitment? I wonder. And what if someone does this multiple times? What sort of wounds are they walking around with? But as CS Lewis points out, should we expect people who are incapable of making and keeping a promise of living a lie?